that crazy guy collecting cans....

You know there are times in a single guy's life when he has to look at things as a realization of what things might actually be permanently. It happens more and more the longer you are single, unless you're one of those confirmed "bachelor types" who thinks walking about in a smoking jacket, drinking liquours out of fishbowls, and calling girls "dames" is your thing. Course if it is then I could go on an entire rift, but not today, I'll just say the only people that get laid at the Playboy mansion have money and are hot at the time. Christ how the hell do you explain Vern (Mini-Me) Troyer getting it on there, BlecH! Fuck me, if retards with a drool problem came into style they'd be getting blowjobs (with swallow) at the goddamned P-mansion. But, back to the bitching at hand. While alone, you wonder could this be it, could I just be destined to walk alone, eat alone, grocery shop alone, go to sleep alone, watch t.v. alone, etc., etc., etc.? In those moments you have to swing a bit of your attention to taking yourself out (fuck it if it's selfish). You would think that those really who are looking at your life (friends, family, co-workers) from the outside in like some giant iguana tank would be somewhat relieved to see you go. They could say, "You know, on looking back on it his quality of life was for shit. Hell, I wouldn't want to eat alone, grocery shop alone, sleep alone, watch t.v. alone, etc., etc., etc." They could throw some big "Thank Christ the Third Wheel is Gone" party, and reminise about the times they had to drag you around with them, put up with your shit day in and day out. Course it all makes sense, that crazy guy you all see collecting cans at the side of the road or wearing a civil war cap for no good reason, or trying to buy a gallon of milk on Christmas Eve just to be around the public, they all were single, indefinitely, (and probably the product of a third-wheel scenario). Makes me look at the homeless in a whole new light. So now that we're in the full holiday season and depression lurking around every corner and nook, and cranny, I thing it's time for all the single men out there who just have had it with "the game" and the jealous of other's relationships to really get out there and try. Try to pick a corner where the most Pepsi and Coke cans collect, or learn to communicate with yourself in a full voice, or learn to ride a giant tricycle everywhere you go with little American flags waving in the wind atop pointless antennas. I think we can make this happen, and really weird out the cities and streets of this union. Let's make the couples out there totally uncomfortable, constantly on edge, and never sure what the "Single Guy's" intentions are. Let's make 2006 a special year, I gotta run, I've got my eye on an adult sitdown pedalcar with plenty of room on the back to carry bags of useless, smelly shit and I'll be able to stream like ten different crazy-ass flags. Ciao